Guys and Babies

Recently I read an online discussion involving several boorish guys. The topic was how to use kids and babies, your own or others', to land chicks. The exchange took place in the Off Topic section of a nonparenting site. "A guy pushing around a stroller with a kid in it is a total chick magnet! It totally breaks the ice, and next thing you know, you and some hottie are back at your place banging away!" There was no mention of such practical considerations as who would look after the kid during this activity. Maybe the assumption is that a bored neighbor, like Mrs. Roper from Three's Company, would roll her eyes and then take the baby for a few minutes (something told me that the guys engaging in this discussion were two-stroke Charlies), just to annoy her husband. I knew that the conversation's participants were baiting somewhat, hoping to draw in indignant ladies until a shit-flinging battle of the sexes was under way. All I could think of, of course, was that chicks—old ladies, young beauties, high-powered career bitches—love babies. I'm a 38-year-old chronically tired mother who dresses like a 12-year-old boy in 1997 and probably drinks too much. I'm usually annoyed, avoid eye contact, and could be described as feral on a Sunday morning. But people still come over, smile at the baby, and want to strike up a conversation with me. They ask how old she is and compliment her pretty smile. I mentioned this to the desperados, emphasizing that the attraction is the kid and not the dickwad pushing the stroller. I also suggested trying this experiment with a gallon of Mogen David in the stroller instead of a baby. They said I was bitter and delusional.